Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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