Who wears a wallet chain?!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
