You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
