I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
