Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
