haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
