Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
