Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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