I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize