Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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