Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize