I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
