Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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