my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
