she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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