so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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