went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
