woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize