He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
