as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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