dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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