My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize