the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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