What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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