I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
