Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
