Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
