god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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