I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
3pm strippers are depressing
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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