Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
