Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
