did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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