I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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