Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
