Need sex. Gaining weight.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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