I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
