her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
