i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
3 2 1 whiskey
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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