Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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