this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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