I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
