She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
