if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
