My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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