My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
