All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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