You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
