I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
