Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
