like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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