i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
