we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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