Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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