I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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