Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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