Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
