My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
