then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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